Monday, August 25, 2008

Another Day Full Of Dread...

About an hour from now, my mother will be going under the knife for a biopsy on something the doctors found in her breast last week. I only found out about this on Saturday, but with the other stressors and developments of the last week, the news hasn't done much to help my already shitty state of mind. She's assured me that the likelyhood of it being cancerous is pretty slim, but I'm the kind of person whose mind will stay affixed to the negative until it gets built up in my mind from a molehill to a mountain. Couple this with my recent weeks struggles to get my tuition for my final semester of school paid off at the very last minute, as well as several seperate frustrations in my writing life that I actually CAN'T talk about, and the recent addition of me having to type this entry from the school library because my electricity got shut off and I can't pay it 'til Friday. The hits have just been coming at a relentless and dizzying pace and they've yet to let up, but optimistic pessimist that I am, I figure something's gotta give sooner than later.

I don't talk much about these things with people, because I'm normally one of those stubborn assholes who likes the machismo of the whole "suffering in silence" thing, and when it comes to a point when the pain gets too unbearable to hold onto, I'll blog about it. People all look at me weird when I do this type of thing, but I mainly do it because the act of talking it out with another person, while it can be theraputic at times, I just always find the better words to express myself when I'm writing them down. Call it weird or call it socially detached. It's just the way I work and have always worked. Believe me, I'd change if I could.

Anyway, if you read me regularly, or just stumble along this entry, feel free to say a prayer, or cast a spell, or sacrifice a small, fluffy critter to whatever deity you worship. The cuter the better.

EDIT: Mom called like, five minutes after my posting this and apparently the doctors don't need to give her the surgery since they "can't find" the growth, so... I guess that's as good a start as any. You can all put away your knives and puppies.